Matthew Po
Matthew Po, also known as Emperor Po to his constituents, as well as Matthew Polopolopowski in his past, is the primary protagonist of The Po Chronicles. History Matthew was present at the time of the Eleven Commandments, and has preserved the knowledge of the lesser known eleventh Commandment: "Thou shalt not drink from the wrong cup," thus fueling his negative opinion of mismatched drinks. Matthew has murdered a multitude of individuals over the years, leading to him changing his identity after every murder to escape notice. Originally Matthew Polopolopowski, Matthew removed a single letter from his last name after every murder. Matthew attended the Mind Reading Institute for a short time. Po Empire Main article: Po Empire Priesthood Matthew was the Priest of Hume Hall West's First Floor's Far Side, and enjoyed sprinkling holy water on resident's doors, as well as brandishing a large wooden cross. He held Mass once. There was a momentary coup wherein Matthew was blockaded by several of Far Side's furniture and forced to endure the sight of his beloved cross and other, smaller crosses being turned upside-down. However, after the apparent coup, little actually changed in Far Side's religious structure. Skills and Interests Leadership Matthew is quite fond of crushing his enemies with his iron fist. He was the founder and sole emperor of the Po Empire. Music Matthew enjoys playing classical pieces on the piano and is a big fan of Chopin. He is known to spontaneously sing, play, or cheep the Legend of Zelda piece "Lost Woods." Arts and Crafts Matthew has expressed an interest in arts and crafts, although this has resulted in several altercations when others complained about the noise. The first complaint arose while Matthew was still in Hume West. Pyromania Matthew is a slight pyromaniac, constantly indulging in setting various items on fire purely out of curiosity. He has burnt or applied flame to the following: * Jesus Candle * Mary Candle * Glass pieces * Plastic toothpick * Wood coaster * Quarter * Stress-relief stone * Coca-Cola slush * Air * Hair * Napkins Breaking and Entering Matthew has a history of getting into other people's rooms unannounced. He managed to get into Christoyam's room by virtue of having a matching key, and went into several others' rooms to rearrange furniture or clothing (including Marik and Richie's room). Notably, Matthew broke into E and Idiot's apartment to leave a quarter as a reward for E's well-said Nobody joke. How Matthew managed this break-in is still unclear, but it has been confirmed that he did not corrode the lock. Other Matthew is capable of speaking phrases in both French and Russian aside from his fluency in English. He also likes freezing stress-relief stones. Dislikes Matthew thoroughly despises sand in all of its forms, often calling others "Sando" as an insult. He also abhors communism and any references to it, despite his interest in learning Russian. This has resulted in some tension with ��️lata and Marik. He absolutely cannot stand any individual drinking a non-apple related drink in cups specifically labeled Apple (or, similarly, non-orange-related drinks from cups labeled Orange), and considers the act blasphemous. Catchphrases * "Yam." (this includes inserting "yam" in words as frequently as possible) * "Cheep cheep." * "I'll give you 25 cents! * "Nothing, nothing!" * "Eat sand, idiot." * "My horse is getting hungry." * "Oops, accident." * "Oh, deary me." * "Manza banza lemon schnanza." Multilingual Catchphrases * "Oh, deary moi." * "Моя яблока!" * "Спакойной полка." * "Español es mi idioma primera." Relationships RUIZ RUIZ is Matthew's archenemy. Matthew met RUIZ in 2014, when RUIZ approached Matthew because of their common given name. The main reason that RUIZ has become Matthew's nemesis is because of RUIZ's red hair and black eyebrow. Christoyam Christoyam and Matthew lived together at Hume, and became acquainted through shenanigans. The two were influential in the spread of Catholicism on Hume West First Floor Far Side, and vehemently sought to eradicate communism from the floor. Matthew and Christoyam spent time together engaging in activities such as eating and scheming. In their evangelical quests, Matthew and Christoyam decorated the Hume West First Floor Far Side common room with wooden crosses made from chopsticks. Further, Christoyam purchased a bible for the common room at the Friends of the Library Book Sale, and Matthew made holy water available to all (stored in Christoyam's I *Heart* Running Nalgene). One Sunday, the two organized a mass in which Matthew served as the priest and Christoyam served as the deacon. In a momentary rift between the two, Christoyam, a French revolutionary, staged a coup against Matthew by surrounding him with furniture from the Hume West First Floor Far Side common room. During this time, chaos ensued, allowing Satanists and communists to run rampant through the floor. After knowing each other for several months, Matthew, using his own keys, attempted to break into Christoyam's room at Hume. Surprisingly, the key worked, which opened the door to many opportunities for shenanigans between the two, as each was now able to enter the other's room without the correct key. Nobody Nobody was one of the first people Matthew met at Hume, as he was one of Matthew's suitemates. Nobody carries such little significance to Matthew that the latter does not even recognize him as an entity. Matthew determined this after a situation in which Nobody left his keys in his room and had to borrow Matthew's to enter his room.